


Going Hungry

by lilstressings



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, But He Gets Better, Eating Disorders, Fainting, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kang Taehyun-Centric, Light Angst, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Protective TXT, Recovery, Sad Kang Taehyun, Therapy, taehyun is sad, the boys help him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:41:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26694676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilstressings/pseuds/lilstressings
Summary: when people think of eating disorders they usually think the cause is wanting to be skinny. while that can be a factor, it’s not the whole point. typically, a person has a lot going on in their life and needs something to be in control of.that’s the case with kang taehyun.
Relationships: Kang Taehyun/Everyone
Comments: 2
Kudos: 75





	Going Hungry

**Author's Note:**

> TW!!! please do not read if eating disorders and things related to it are triggering to you, PLEASE. 
> 
> And ofc remember this is fiction, not based on true events!
> 
> I hope you enjoy! :)

when people think of eating disorder they usually think the cause is wanting to be skinny. while that can be a factor, it’s not the whole point. typically, a person has a lot going on in their life and needs something to be in control of. 

that’s the case with kang taehyun. from a young age taehyun was overwhelmed with life. having parents that fought 24/7 and bullies at school, it felt as though he had no escape. however, he lucked out when he became a trainee at age 13. while some see trainee life as stressful, taehyun was the complete opposite. he was ecstatic to be away from his toxic home and school. he made a new family in his members and was achieving his dream of being an idol. it seemed like nothing could go wrong. 

but as time passed, idol life proved to be not all it’s cracked up to be. although he loves it and is grateful for this life, it brings many hardships he didn’t think about. the hate is the worst, then the overworking, strict diet and constant feeling of not being good enough. 

the feeling of not being in control is back again. but even worse this time. and taehyun doesn’t know what else to do about it. 

if he had to pinpoint the first time it happened it was probably mid-march while they were preparing for their TDC:E comeback. he had been so overwhelmed he almost felt nauseous. so he decided to skip lunch and continue dance practice. it wasn’t a big deal since they all have skipped meals in favor of practicing before. but it definitely didn’t go unnoticed by the others. 

“taehyunnie, i’m not gonna lecture you this time but make sure you eat dinner tonight okay?” yenjun said offhandedly. 

“yes, hyung. i know.”

however, when dinner time came around taehyun was still not hungry. skipping lunch seemed to make him feel better so wouldn’t skipping dinner make him feel amazing? he knew he couldn’t get passed the watchful eyes of his hyungs, though. 

so he sat down with a small bowl of soft tofu stew, eating slowly. it was actually pretty easy to avoid conflict as everyone else was talking amongst themselves. by the time everyone else was done, taehyun had only eaten about half his bowl. but he was full. 

so he put away his leftovers and left quickly to avoid questions. he showered and went to bed with only the thought of what he should eat tomorrow. 

-

this cycle of skipping meals continued for two weeks and taehyun honestly felt great. the pain in his stomach was enough to distract him from his anxious thoughts, but not enough to be obvious. 

he even hopped on the scale and found that he lost more than his goal weight, about 10 pounds. this was the best diet he’d ever been on. 

up to this point he had only been skipping lunch and sometimes dinner. but now he wanted to try a new tactic. skipping breakfast. 

breakfast is the easiest meal to skip since the members are always running late in the morning, there’s never an official meal made. nevertheless, it’s still going to be difficult because he knows the others will notice if he doesn’t eat his usual protein bar and fruit. 

this is where the tactics come in. he grabs his protein bar and a banana as they’re running out the door. while sitting in the van, he opens the bar and hides half of it in his long sleeve while taking small bites. and when no one is looking he spits the food out into his other hand, quickly shoving it down his sleeve. 

by the time they get to the company building, it looks as though taehyun had finished his bar and stuffed the wrapper in his pocket. in truth it was all in his sleeve. he escaped to a bathroom and cleaned up his sleeve, dropping the banana in a near by trash can. 

just as he was rounding the corner he runs into none other than jeon jungkook. literally runs into him. 

“oh hyung! sorry i didn’t see you there.” 

“no worries, i didn’t even feel you to be honest. you’re so small.” jungkook says with a chuckle. 

“so how have you been? getting ready for your next comeback?”

“yes! we’re preparing so much, it’s exhausting. but i can’t wait to perform again!” taehyun answered. 

“that’s great but don’t push yourselves too hard. you want to be rejuvenated for a good comeback, not exhausted.” jungkook said with a little concern. “in fact, you look really worn out. maybe you should rest.” 

jungkook could see dark bags under taehyun’s eyes and extremely sunken in cheeks. it was somewhat alarming. 

“oh no, i’m okay hyung. really! i’ve been getting plenty of rest and i’m not tired at all.” taehyun tried to sound convincing but the underlying emotion was there. 

“okay well just remember to take care of yourself, okay? and we’ll be cheering you on!” 

and with that they both walked away, jungkook feeling a bit apprehensive but also helpless. he just hoped nothing too bad would happen. 

-

for another three weeks, taehyun continued to starve himself. and it’s starting to take a toll on his body. 

he’s lost about another 15 pounds. all of his clothes were too big on him, his bones were sticking out almost everywhere, his hair even seemed thinner and he had absolutely no energy. 

there were many times where he thought he was going to pass out but he started bringing small lollipops with him to practice to bring his sugars up. 

along with this, the others seemed to not notice what’s going on. it was almost hurtful to taehyun. while he wasn’t doing this for attention, even he can see that this is negatively affecting him but he doesn’t know how to stop. he needs help. 

these past two days have been the worst. taehyun has refused to eat anything. only sticking with water and lollipops. 

on the third day, everything falls apart. taehyun wakes up with a raging headache and a weight on his chest. he tries to brush it off and continue through his day but it’s difficult. 

when they arrive at the studio they are greeted by the sight of bts practicing in their room. taehyun almost forgot. in their group chat, bts and txt decided to have weekly dance practices together. today must be the first one. 

“hey! our cute dongsaengs, good to see you!” jimin said extremely enthusiastic. 

everyone exchanged hugs and greetings. taehyun tried his best to smile and seem okay but his head wouldn’t stop swimming. 

“hey you feeling okay? you don’t look too good?” jungkook came up to him and said. 

“oh no i’m good just really tired.” taehyun answered shortly. he quickly walked away and started stretching. 

-

one hour. that’s all it took for taehyun’s body to finally give up. 

they decided to run through some old choreographies of each group. he made it through ‘new rules’, ‘go go’, and ‘can’t you see me.’

but as they were doing ‘idol’ he could feel himself slowly lose energy. his legs feel like jelly and at some point he couldn’t even see. he pushed on through to the roundhouse kick and promptly blacked out. 

-

taehyun didn’t wake up until three hours after being admitted to the hospital. the doctors said he was extremely dehydrated, malnourished and overworked. 

as he opened his eyes everything was blurry at first but they soon adjusted onto a figure sitting at the end of the bed. soobin. 

“hey hyunnie, how are you feeling?” he asked with such a soft voice. taehyun appreciated it as his head was still pounding. 

“okay. my body hurts.”

“yea, that’s normal. your body’s been through a lot and you hit the floor pretty hard. i wouldn’t be surprised if you have a nasty bruise.” 

there was silence as neither of them knew what to say. taehyun looked at the opposite wall, feeling ashamed. 

“do you mind if the others come in? the doctors would only allow one person in until you woke up and could make a decision.” soobin asked. 

“ um y-yea, sure they can come in.” taehyun answered. 

soobin got up to open the door and almost immediately the other three members rushed in. hueningkai latched onto taehyun as hard as possible. 

“oh my gosh, taehyunnie! are you okay? you scared us so bad!” hueningkai said with a high pitched voice, showing how worried he was. 

but he was squeezing taehyun so tight he couldn’t even breathe. 

“okay huening, let him breathe.” beomgyu said and pushed hueningkai away to hug taehyun in his place. 

after everyone got their rounds of hugs, they sat around the bed to have a real conversation. 

“aegi, how long has this been going on?” yeonjun asked and placed a comforting hand over taehyun’s. 

“i-i don’t know, a couple weeks.”

“why?”

“everything is just too much.” he answered in a whisper with his head down. 

“what does that mean, hyunnie. we need to know what’s going on so we can help you.” yeonjun said. 

“i don’t know, okay! i just felt so overwhelmed and controlling what i ate made me feel better. the emptiness in my stomach is one of the best feelings and i know it’s not normal but i don’t know how to change it. and i don’t want to! this helps me, i swear!”

“taehyun this isn’t helping you, this is making you sick! the doctors are talking about sending you to an impatient clinic!” hueningkai bursts. “i mean look at yourself, you’re so pale, you’re practically skin and bones and you think this is helping?!”

before anything could escalate the door opened revealing a distressed looking kim namjoon. 

“hey sorry to interrupt but the doctor is here and he heard yelling so he asked me to check on you.”

“we’re fine you can let him in.” soobin answered. 

the doctor entered with a soft smile and kind greeting. “hello taehyun, good to see you awake.” he said and taehyun gave him a tight-lipped smile. 

“so your friends brought you in this morning because you fainted at dance practice. after an examination and a talk with everyone, we came to a conclusion and you’ve been diagnosed with anorexia nerviosa. do you know what that means?”

taehyun just sat there with his mouth hanging open. of course he knows what anorexia is but he doesn’t have it. he doesn’t. 

after a long silence the doctor continues, “anorexia nerviosa is an eating disorder where people restrict their food intake and in some cases they work out excessively to lose weight. i have determined that you have a severe case of anorexia and you are extremely underweight.” 

taehyun can’t believe what he’s hearing right now. he knew there was a problem but it wasn’t this. he just needed a way to relieve some stress, he isn’t even that much underweight. 

the others don’t seem surprised by what the doctor is saying, since they were probably told earlier. they are just looking at taehyun expectantly. 

“i-i don’t know what to say.” 

“that’s okay, most people are shocked when they are told this too.” the doctor replied. 

“well what’s going to happen now? how do we get him better?” beomgyu asked. 

“well there are many forms of treatment for anorexia. due to how rapid your condition dropped, i see no other option than to admit you into an impatient clinic.” 

taehyun’s mind went blank. the doctor kept talking but he couldn’t hear what he was saying. an impatient clinic? there’s no way!

he’s an idol, he has to practice. they have a comeback in less than a month! 

“an impatient clinic? are you kidding me? i’m not that messed up that i have to go to a mental hospital!”

“taehyun!” yeonjun reprimanded. “don’t say that, you’re not messed up. a lot of people go to impatient clinics, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” 

“i-i can’t go! we have our comeback, we have to practice! i-i don’t want to go.” his voice got smaller as he kept talking and he could feel his throat tighten as he stated to cry. 

“please, hyung, i don’t want to go.” taehyun whispered dejectedly. 

“oh taehyunnie, it’s gonna be okay.” yeonjun said and pulled him into his chest as he started to sob. 

“i know this is scary but it’s the best option right now. i’ll leave you guys to talk while i get the paperwork sorted.” with that the doctor left. 

“tyunnie don’t cry, you’re gonna be okay. we’re going to be here for you through everything, okay?” soobin said while running his fingers through taehyun’s hair. 

as taehyun started to calm down, the door squeaked open. 

“hey, can we come in?” namjoon asked with his head poked through the doorway. 

“yea come in.”

all 7 members of bts stood around the hospital bed with concern on their faces. they already know what’s going on but that doesn’t make it easy to watch one of their dongsaengs suffer. 

the 12 of them stayed like that almost all night. gathered around the hospital bed with taehyun in the center. giving as much silent reassurance as they can before they have to let him go. 

-

the next morning, taehyun woke up to a big weight on his body. he opened his eyes and found that all 4 of his members were asleep on his bed. he looked at them with a fond smile before glancing around the rest of the room to see the bts members scattered in chairs, asleep. 

just then, a nurse entered the room to take his vitals and let him know he will be transported to the clinic soon. as she took out his I.V. the members slowly woke up. 

“good morning taehyunnie.” hueningkai said while snuggling into taehyun. 

“good morning, hyuka.” taehyun whispered back. 

everyone seemed to be awake but they remained silent. there isn’t really much to say before your friend gets sent to a mental hospital for an eating disorder. 

before he knows it, taehyun is in the ambulance that’s taking him to the clinic. yeonjun is riding with him and everyone else is following in two cars. 

yeonjun notices taehyun shaking his foot in nervousness. 

“hey.” he says, putting his hand on hyun’s foot, “there’s no need to be nervous. we’re gonna be there the whole time to settle you in and before you know it you’ll be back home. it’s only a two week program after all.” 

“oh yea, that helps so much.” taehyun replied bitterly. yeonjun just sighed and slouched in his seat, hoping to God this program would work. 

-

in a blur, taehyun was signed in, toured the building and unpacked his belongings in his room. now comes the worst part. the goodbye. 

he wishes everyone could stay a little longer but for some reason there’s a limitation on visitors. he hugs everyone goodbye and maybe let’s a few tears fall. but taehyun would never admit that. 

he sits on his bed feeling more alone than ever. he thought this place was suppose to help him but it’s making him feel worse. at least the building is nice. the walls were colorfully painted and the homey layout of the building makes it a bit cozy. there are two big kitchens, a weigh-in room, a large school room, and probably 10 bedrooms. 

unfortunately, he isn’t allowed to share a room with anyone else, being that he’s the only boy amongst a bunch of girls. 

man, this is gonna be a long two weeks, he thinks. 

-

those two weeks felt like two months, at least. on the first day taehyun was interviewed by the head nurse. she created a meal plan for him which ofc he didn’t like. it made him feel more out of control than ever. 

his first meal at the clinic was a beef stew. it tasted so good, taehyun almost cried. he finished an entire bowl in less than 5 minutes. his body really was hungry but his mind kept yelling at him that this was wrong. 

after dinner he went to bed, falling asleep instantly since he was exhausted with everything going on. only to be woken up at the ass crack of dawn. seven in the morning should seriously still be considered nighttime. 

he got out of bed, showered, brushed his teeth, got dressed and headed to the weigh-in room. after his vitals and weight are checked he heads to breakfast. afterwards, everyone is sent to the school room to do school. it’s a cycle of working with a tutor and then working on your own. when lunch time rolls around they get an hour to eat, then, it’s therapy time. 

there’s group therapy and individual therapy. group therapy is actually quite fun. they do team building activities, painting, singing, dancing, and so many other activities to express their emotions. individual therapy is very different. it’s a one-on-one talk about yourself, your thoughts, your past. pretty much anything and everything the therapist can talk about to figure out why you have an eating disorder. 

this routine continues every. single. day.  
although, it’s not a smooth ride throughout. he has his bad days where he doesn’t want to eat, doesn’t want to do school, or go to therapy or see his weight on the scale. but they force him to do it. and at some point it gets easier. 

he wasn’t allowed to have visitors for the whole two weeks, so when his time is up to go home he is ecstatic! when he sees the members walking toward the front door from the bedroom window, he runs downstairs as fast as possible. 

he runs and jumps onto the first person he sees. it happens to be yeonjun. 

“oh my gosh, taehyun! we missed you so much!” yeonjun shouted

“i missed you too.” taehyun whispered. the others wrap him in a big group hug and exchange more greetings. 

when they all pull away hueningkai asks with excitement, “so, how was it?”

taehyun just sighs and says, “i’m ready to go home.” 

-

overall it was a great experience. taehyun got a lot out of therapy and he gained back some weight, making him look a bit healthier. he even made some great friends there that he hopes to see again in the future. 

but it also was an experience he doesn’t want to have again. while it will be hard, taehyun is making it a goal to never get that bad again. he’s accepted that he has an eating disorder and needs help but he wants to recover and never have to go back to that clinic. 

from now on he will be doing therapy 3 days a week. and with the help of his brothers he knows he can make a full recovery.

**Author's Note:**

> this is the longest story i’ve ever written!!! although the ending seems rushed :/ i’m really proud of myself considering this is only my second story. 
> 
> i hope you guys liked it! and if you have any suggestions, constructive criticism or anything please comment!! thank you!🥺


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